Last updated: whenever he last updated them. Effective immediately and retroactively.
By approaching within leash radius, you ("the Approached") consent to be sniffed, assessed, and quietly ranked. Results are final and not subject to appeal.
Declaring the Dog "the most attractive thing you have ever seen" is welcomed, but you should know it is not new information. The Dog’s handler reserves the right to appear unmoved. This is a bit. He is very moved.
Sustained eye contact with the Dog constitutes a binding agreement to share any snack currently or subsequently in your possession. Ignorance of this clause is no defense. He will wait.
Walk routes are proposed by the party with two legs and ratified by the party with four. In the event of a dispute, the matter shall be settled by sitting down in the middle of the sidewalk.
The Dog knows substantially more than he demonstrates. All undisclosed skills remain trade secrets, releasable at his sole discretion, usually when least expected.
Neither the Dog nor his handler shall be held responsible for hearts stolen, schedules rearranged, or persons who "were just going to say hi for a second" and remained for twenty minutes.
These Terms are governed by the laws of Rohan, where the Dog’s namesake served with distinction. Disputes will be heard at the next available treat.